omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
