??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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