He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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