Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
