OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
