apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
