I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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