Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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