Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize