You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
