Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
