so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
