I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
