Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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