I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
