If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
