1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
