yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize