when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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