My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
