so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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