I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
