okay pat passed out under dana's car
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize