i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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