it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
