i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
