So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
