She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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