Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
