p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
