I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
