You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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