From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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