You're completely useless in the revolution.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize