Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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