Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
