I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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