You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
