It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
