I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
