: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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