my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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