Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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