Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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