dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
