Little spoons don't ask big questions
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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