i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
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