My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
