She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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