FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize