dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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