Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
