No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Floor bacon is actually really good
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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