He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
