let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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