Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Houston, we have a squirter
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
