u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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