I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
