And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
