I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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