She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
