so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
