Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
