I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
