She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
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