You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
