dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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