This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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