the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
