I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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