so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize