please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If I die, sorry about rent.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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