We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
