take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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