i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
