I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize